Flibanserin

Wonder what "Flibanserin" is? Well, let Sophia enlighten you. Flibanserin is the name of the new "female sexual dysfunction" drug that Big Pharma is trying to sell to the FDA. The drug is supposed to address the (apparently rampant) problem of what shrinks (a.k.a. minions of Big Pharma) are calling Female Hyposexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). When Sophia and Sophia's mom were young, this condition was called "frigidity."  Accusations of frigidity were usually flung about when a young woman, for whatever reason, was not sexually forthcoming (oh, the puns this post could generate!) to the entreaties of a young man in the throes of sexual desperation.  Sophia was once accused of frigidity when she declined the advances of a guy she had just met on a group camping trip. Sophia had asked to borrow his extra blanket, because it was freezing cold. He assumed this request really meant "please screw me in the dirt just inches away from ten other people." Sophia isn't sure how her request came to mean this, but it surely did. When she declined, rather vociferously, she was treated to this query:  "What are you, frigid?" Staggered by the originality of this response, Sophia could not help but laugh. She declined to play this game of chicken. "Yeah," she said. "Now give me the blanket, or don't, but keep your hands to yourself."

Could Flibanserin have helped in this situation? We will never know, since the FDA found that it did not, in fact, address the mystery of feminine desire. Men are still "askin" but women aren't "anserin" this question to the satisfaction of (mostly male) researchers.

Sophia wonders if this part of the name was accidental, or an effort to suggest that Flibanserin will give men the "answers" they want to hear when they ask for sex.  The "flib" part sounds like a conflation of "flip" and "glib," which suggests both a sudden change of mind and an immediate response. The names "Pleaseridemecowboy" and Yesyesineeditnow" were doubtless considered and rejected as unsubtle.

In the face of all this scientific stupidity, Sophia is going to help these researchers out and provide some answers herself. In fact, she is going to propose her own alternative to Flibanserin. It shall be called "Foreplayerin."  It's a drug for men, and it comes with a set of instructional videos.

The videos will instruct clueless men in the fine art of foreplay, a skill that, in Sophia's experience, about 80% of American males completely lack. The pill will, like the anti-alcoholic drug antabuse, cause these men to suffer unpleasant but not life-threatening symptoms should they decide to make a dash for home plate before the fans have even taken their seats.

Yes, Sophia is suggesting that the mystery of feminine desire is not a mystery. It is simply a matter of time and skill. Flibanserin is simply another attempt by men--and their female collaborators, who obviously have internalized the frigidity myth--to speed things up for their own convenience.

Sophia is amazed that none of the many articles she read this past week even considered this notion. She feels as if she's slipped into a time warp.  If she closes her eyes, she can still see Creepy Camping Guy. Only this time, he's not simply accusing her of frigidity. He's smiling, and holding out a little pink pill.

Sophia thinks Foreplayerin will get much better results than Flibanserin. She is waiting for Big Pharma to contact her, so she can help them begin working on it.  In case anyone from Pfizer, or Lilly, or Wyeth is reading, Sophia can be reached at www.getaclue.com.